Shadow's Family Reunion
by Malus Episteme
Summary: When Shadow was invited to a family reunion he didn't know what to expect. Read as Shadow tries to regain sanity when Eggman, Metal Sonic, Black Doom and the Biolizard claim to be his family and won't leave him alone!
1. An unusual gathering

Shadow's family reunion

Disclaimer: I do not own anything mentioned in this story except for the story idea itself.

(**A/N**: This fic takes place after the games Sonic Adventure 2: Battle, Sonic Heroes and Shadow the Hedgehog)

Chapter 1: An unusual gathering.

Shadow stared at the invitation in his hand which proclaimed the following message. ' _Dear Uncle Shadow, you are invited to our big family reunion. Please come to the place marked on the enclosed map at 8:00 pm. Signed, your favorite nephew.' _Shadow was quite surprised. He wasn't aware he had a family, least of all a nephew. Then again, Shadow suffered from amnesia so often it was amazing he could remember anything at all. Shadow decided to go to this 'reunion' but packed his pistol in case it was some sort of trap.

When Shadow arrived at the building where the 'family reunion' was being held he was deeply suspicious. The building was clearly one of Eggman's secret bases - the giant tower with Eggman's face on it, as well as the large amounts of robots surrounding the area was a big hint. Shadow was considering leaving when he saw a large banner with the words 'Welcome Family!' in big bold letters. The banner was covered in brightly colored balloons. Shadow was convinced this was a trap. However he decided to go and see what the doctor wanted anyway.

Shadow walked up to the front door of the base and knocked. Nothing happened. Upon seeing a doorbell, he decided to push it. The door bell then proceeded to play Eggman's theme song. Shadow could hear someone walking towards the door. He pulled out his pistol and prepared himself for any traps or enemies that may appear. The door opened wide to reveal none other than Eggman.

"UNCLE SHADOW!" shouted Eggman gleefully as he picked up the black and red hedgehog and gave him a big hug. Shadow just stared at the doctor with absolute shock. Shadow couldn't believe that Eggman was hugging him and called him-wait a second…

"Did you just call me uncle?" asked a very confused Shadow.

"Yep! You're my most favorite uncle in the whole wide world!" exclaimed Eggman as he squeezed Shadow tighter. Shadow was very disturbed by this.

"I demand you release me at once doctor!' ordered the hedgehog. Eggman let go of Shadow. At that moment someone tapped Eggman on the back and said,

"Oi, fat man, the oven is on fire." With a cry, Eggman speed past the speaker to reveal…

"Metal Sonic!" exclaimed a surprised Shadow. "Didn't Omega destroy your body after the Metal Overlord incident?"

"…No." replied the blue robotic hedgehog. Metal Sonic was in his 'Pre-Overlord' mode, complete with a cape "You might as well step inside, the rest of our insane…'family' has already arrived." Shadow quickly considered his options. He could go home and try to forget everything that ever happened (which wouldn't be too hard considering how forgetful he is) or he could follow Metal Sonic and get to the bottom of this insanity. Shadow, against his better judgment, decided to see who the rest of his family is.

Metal Sonic led Shadow through the base to a large set of doors. When Metal Sonic opened the doors Shadow couldn't believe his eyes. Acting quickly, he ran behind a nearby table and started shooting wildly at everything and throwing empty magazines at people. When Shadow finally ran out of ammo Metal Sonic asked "Are you done yet Rambo? You shot the chicken." Shadow slowly looked over the table and half asked/half yelled:

"Why aren't they dead!?" as he looked at the forms of…

"It is a pity to see my son is such a poor shot." boomed the voice of Black Doom. Behind him Dooms Eye was floating around the Biolizard. "Black Doom!? I thought I destroyed you along with the Black Comet!" Shadow was very confused and he wanted answers now.

"It is like I told you, the Black Arms will rise up once again." replied Black Doom.

"And why are you alive? Didn't Sonic and I destroy you?!" said Shadow as he pointed at the Biolizard.

"…No." was the simple reply from the giant lizard.

"When could you talk?" asked a very distressed Shadow.

"When the egg shaped one attached a voice and speech component to my life support."

Shadow wasn't quite sure what was going on right now. He was in a room filled with past enemies, 2 of which should be dead, and the doctor had hugged him. The last part was really creepy. Shadow knew that if the people in the room were to turn on him he would be in a **lot** of trouble. Too bad the chapter ends here.


	2. Moving in

Shadow's family reunion

Disclaimer: I do not own anything mentioned in this story except for the story idea itself.

**A/N**: I want to say thanks to Rae Logan for being the first person to review this story. Thanks a lot!.

Chapter 2: Moving in.

An alarm clock buzzed loudly waking Shadow up. Shadow reached out and pushed the button to stop the annoying buzzing. The alarm clock giggled. Shadow, who was half asleep, tried pushing the alarm clock harder. It giggled louder. Annoyed at the alarm clock Shadow punched it. The alarm clock screamed in pain and fell over backwards. The alarm clock was still buzzing. Shadow, who was a bit more awake now, decided to put an end to the alarm clock once and for all. For hopped out of bed… and landed on something squishy.

"UNCLE SHADOW!!!"

"AHH!!!"

"So… what do you do?"

Metal Sonic looked over the mourning paper to look at the giant lizard poking her head through the window.

"I'm an evil robotic overlord." He replied while oiling himself. There was silence. It was a very awkward silence. Biolizard tried a 2nd attempt at conversation.

"So, uh… you are an alien conqueror?"

Black Doom looked up from the blue prints of the Black Comet mark 2.

"Yes." More pause. Biolizard gave up on trying start a conversation and decided to eat Doom's Eye. At that moment Shadow walked through the door and stopped dead. Both Metal Sonic and Black Doom looked up (again) from what they were doing. There was a pregnant pause. The pause gave birth to anger, confusion and Shadow.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!?!" screamed Shadow. Shadow was not a mourning person.

"Don't you remember? You invited us last night." Shadow looked from Metal Sonic and Black Doom to Biolizard. "Hi"

"AHH!!!" screamed Shadow. He threw the alarm clock at the Biolizard. It harmlessly bounced off of her nose. "WHY ARE ALL OF YOU HERE!?!"

"Well, you see…" began Biolizard.

_**FLASHBACK**_

Shadow wasn't quite sure what was going on right now. He was in a room filled with past enemies, 2 of which should be dead, and the doctor had hugged him. The last part was really creepy. Shadow knew that if the people in the room were to turn on him he would be in a **lot** of trouble. Just then Eggman came back.

"Oh, Shadow, I see you have met everybody. Let me introduce you!" Shadow found himself being dragged towards Biolizard. "This is your sister Biolizard." Said Eggman. Shadow stared at Biolizard.

"That's a **girl**" exclaimed Shadow in surprise. Biolizard frowned and fired a ball of dark energy at Shadow. Shadow flew across the room and landed in front of…

"Shadow," said Black Doom. Dramatic music started playing for some reason. "I am… your **father.**"

Shadow got off the floor. "I already knew that." He said. Metal Sonic switched off his built in sound board.

"And this is my son Metal Sonic." Beamed Eggman.

"I am not your son. I am your creation, you are my creator." Said Metal Sonic. "Stop calling me your son."

Eggman frowned.

"Any way Shadow, Metal Sonic is you're…um… what do call your nephew's son?" Asked Eggman.

"Not your son!" said Metal Sonic angrily.

Shadow shrugged. "And I am your nephew!" exclaimed Eggman as he moved in for another hug. Shadow realized what Eggman was trying to do and using Metal Sonic as a human…robotic hedgehog shield.

"Don't you want to hug your son?" pleaded Shadow from behind Metal Sonic. Metal Sonic's eyes widened.

"I hate you Shadow."

"SON!"

"NOT YOUR SON!" Shadow stared at Eggman giving his most dangerous robot a hug.

"When did the doctor become so crazy?" asked Shadow. Shadow, being the mysterious hedgehog he is, loved to talk to himself and ask himself questions with answers he didn't know (or forgotten).

"What happened was that the fat man slipped on some machine oil, cracked his head open and all of his sanity leaked out." Said Metal Sonic. Who had gotten out of Eggman's grip. And was extremely angry at Shadow for using him to escape the evil of hugs. Metal Sonic took a fighting stance. Shadow, realizing Metal Sonic's intentions, did the same. They were about to have a huge battle that would shake the foundations of the Earth when an explosion blasted the wall apart to reveal… Sonic the Hedgehog.

"Alright Eggman, I'm here to-" Sonic then noticed who else was in the room. "Stop…you…" Sonic came to the conclusion that Eggman must have made a team of super villains and was plotting to take over the world. And to think Tails told him to stop barging into Eggman's base every other Tuesday … Sonic considered running away. But he decided not to. He was Sonic the Hedgehog! He was a hero, the fastest thing on the planet! Sonic did not run away because he was a hero, but he did retreat very quickly instead. "TAILS! DROP THE BOMB!" There was the sound of the Tornado flying ahead followed by the shrill shriek of a bomb. Shadow and his family had managed to escape just in time to see the bomb and the base exploded in a huge display of fire. Sonic and Tails had already flown away.

"Can we stay at your place Uncle Shadow?" Shadow, who wasn't thinking straight after being whacked in the head by a piece of falling debris at that exact moment said,

"Yes." Shadow then fell unconscious.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

Shadow remembered everything clearly after Biolizard explained it. 'I must have gotten a minor amnesia attack after being hit in the head' thought Shadow. With everything cleared up, the chapter ended.

(A/N: Once again, thanks to Rae Logan)


	3. Sonic versus Metal Sonic part 1

Shadow's family reunion

Disclaimer: I do not own anything mentioned in this story except for the story idea itself.

**A/N**: Thanks to Taranea and Kurata for being the 2nd and 3rd people to review. Sorry about the slow update, I had (insert excuse here). Anyway, here is a long chapter (by my standards anyway) for everyone to enjoy.

Chapter 3: Sonic versus Metal Sonic part 1

"I'm telling you its true!" Tails was skeptical of Sonic's theory that Eggman was amassing an army of evil…again. And trying to take over the world…again.

"Sonic, you said that last Tuesday remember?" asked Tails.

"Yeah but-"

"And the Tuesday after that?"

"I know but-"

"And the Tuesday after that?"

"Still…"

"And the Tuesday after that?"

"Tails…"

"And the Tuesday after that?"

"TAILS!!!" Tails stopped counting off the days on his fingers. "I swear, this time it's true."

"You said that last Tue-"

"I swear on my super speed THIS time it's true!"

"… You said that last…"

"Say Tuesday one more time and I will take away the reason you're called Tails." Tails decided now would be a good time to stop counting off every Tuesday with his hands and feet.

"I am telling you its true this time! I would stake my reputation on not being a faker on it!!!" Tails decided to believe Sonic just one more time. Sonic was pretty serious about the whole faker thing with Shadow.

"Sonic, you're saying that Eggman has gathered an army of evil and is trying to conquer the world."

"Yes"

"And that the Biolizard is alive."

"Correct"

"And Metal Sonic is back."

"Stupid metal faker…"

"And Black Doom has magically come back from the grave."

"Yep."

"And that Eggman is not dead."

"TAILS! I DIDN'T KILL HIM!!!"

_**FLASH BACK**_

"Stupid blue hedgehog…" grumbled Eggman to himself as he worked on his latest creation: The Instant Egg Base! You see, Sonic was always foiling Eggman's plans for total world conquest while destroying his giant bases in the process. As time when by, prices for metal went up, cash was low and Eggman couldn't keep affording to construct giant bases and an army of robots. Eggman was forced to create those stupid little Egg Pawns to save enough money to get an armada of giant airships as well as the base in Rail Canyon's Bullet Station. Then Metal Sonic decided to betray his creator and locked Eggman in a prison cell while Metal Sonic wasted most of his money to upgrade himself to Metal Overlord. Eggman then decided to invent the Instant Egg Base to save time and money so he could try to take over the world by next Sunday.

All of a sudden, Sonic and Tails burst through the wall (again). Eggman was so surprised that he slipped on some machine oil and cracked his head.

"Holy something Robin would say Sonic! You killed Eggman!" said Tails as he stared at the motionless body in front of him.

"…" said Sonic. Tails began poking Eggman with a stick.

"…" said Sonic.

"Hey Sonic, you should try this, its fun!" offered Tails as he held out the stick.

"_**NOOOOOOOOOOOO**_!!!" screamed Sonic.

"Fine then, you don't have to get all weird about it." Tails then resumed the poking.

"Eggman's not dead!"

"Yeah he is, see?" Tails poked Eggman in the stomach. It jiggled like jelly.

"But I'm a good guy! A hero! I'm not supposed to kill people! Not even people like Eggman!" cried out Sonic.

"Of course he's dead, there is even blood coming out of his head."

"That's not blood- that's… WHAT **IS** THAT!?!" Potential murder momentarily forgotten, Sonic stared in shock at the liquid flowing out of Eggman's skull. Afterwards Sonic ran away 'on the lam' for 2 hours before he got bored while Tails continued to poke Eggman with his stick.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

"TAILS I DIDN'T KILL HIM!!!" screamed Sonic.

""You know, yelling isn't going to make you right." Said Tails.

"…ISN'T IT?!"

"No."

"And Shadow has betrayed us again!"

"…Are you sure Sonic?" asked Tails.

"I saw it with my own one eye." said Sonic.

"Okay then Sonic, I believe you. Let's get Knuckles and go stop this army of the dead" said Tails sarcastically.

"Okay then, let's go!" Sonic missed the sarcasm and dragged a protesting Tails to the Tornado.

'Who knows what evil being planned at this very second…' thought Sonic.

Meanwhile…

Eggman added another name to his list of victims.

"Who next? Ah yes, my grandfather-in-law! (Don't know if these really exist)" Eggman chuckled quietly to himself as he prepared for his next attack. He quickly located his next victim trying to hide from him. When will everybody learn that they just can't hide from him? Eggman moved in for the kill…

"GRANDFATHER-IN-LAW BLACK DOOM!!!" Black Doom didn't even waste time screaming, he just tried to escape the madness of the egg shaped scientist before him. An interesting thing about Eggman is that he moves surprisingly fast for a fat guy. Eggman screamed his death cry at the top of his voice:

"HUG!!!" Black Doom soon found himself being squeezed by his captor. Black Doom decided to resign to his fate. Not even Metal Sonic's and Biolizard's combined efforts had saved them. It seemed pretty funny while Eggman toppled Metal Overlord over with a tackle-hug before but Black Doom was paying the price for laughing at other's misfortune instead of running away earlier. Black Doom resorted to a battle tactic known to the Black Arms as 'The Black Shift'. The Black Shift consisted shifting something like blame from one person to another. Here is a prime example now…

"Don't you want to hug your uncle?" asked Black Doom innocently while his ribs cracked from the pressure of the hug.

"…UNCLE SHADOW!!!" And with that, Eggman was away. Good old Black Shift. Maybe Black Doom could eat all the food and Black Shift the blame to Biolizard…

Sonic was riding on the wings of the Tornado. Why he didn't just sit in the passenger seat was beyond Tails but who cares? More room for him. Tails used the extra room to install a Plot-hole-radar-thing-O-matic-5000. How else do you thing Tails knows exactly where to go all the time? Using the Plot-hole-radar-thing-O-matic-5000 Tails easily located where Shadow and his family were… in plain sight at Shadow's house!

"Okay Tails, here's the plan: I will set the C4 around a wall, burst in, say something dramatic, escape at the last second and throw you into enemy territory. While they are busy pummeling you I will eat all their food, blame it on the Biolizard and use your bleeding, lifeless corpse as a weapon to defeat evil. That's my plan, what do you think Tails?" asked Sonic.

"… Time to do a loop." Was the reply. Before Sonic could stop him Tails had pulled the plane into a huge loop which threw Sonic off the plane… and fell straight through Shadow's roof.

Shadow was trying to hide from the evil hugs of a certain fat egg shaped man. Shadow had climbed on to the roof and was cursing his father for using him as a victim for the Black Shift. Shadow was pretty sure he was safe though. Eggman wasn't fit enough to get on top of the roof so as long as nothing happened…

"AHHHHHHH!!!" Shadow heard screaming above him. He looked up in time to see a blue blur smash into him and fall straight through the roof, the floor and into the basement. Metal Sonic, who was working on the Metal Overlord mark 2, heard something like…

"AHHHHHHH!!!"

"HOLY-"

SMASH!

CRASH!

Thud.

"My little hedgehog hip!"

Metal was about to dismiss it as Eggman trying to climb onto the roof and falling off when he realized he knew one of those voices. It was the voice of his arch-nemesis Sonic the Hedgehog! Metal Sonic quickly attached his cape to his waist for some reason, activated his 'Instant dramatic storm maker 2500' and made sure he had memorized all the words to his evil speech of doom before heading towards Sonic.

What will Metal Sonic do? Are Sonic and Shadow okay? What happened to Tails? When will Eggman actually get some character development? How long until Black Doom and Biolizard actually do something? Find out the answers to some of these questions next time!

A/N: Thanks again to Taranea and Kurata for reviewing.


	4. Sonic versus Metal Sonic part 2

Shadow's family reunion

Disclaimer: I do not own anything mentioned in this story except for the story idea itself.

**A/N**: Thanks to Taranea (the first person to review twice), tazkol the master emeralds, Lord Ryu and Dragonbreath1 for being the 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th people to review.

Chapter 4: Sonic versus Metal Sonic part 2

Sonic tried to stand up. His hip decided to rebel against him.

"My little hedgehog hip!" Sonic then used the unconscious Shadow to help him stand up. After inventing the 'Unconscious Upside-Down Hedgehog Walking Stick' Sonic was finally able to stand up without too much complaint from his hip. All of a sudden, a dramatic storm appeared. Sonic ignored it and focused on getting to a hospital before Shadow woke up. Sonic took one step forward… and started floating several inches of the ground.

Metal Sonic held up his organic counterpart up by the neck.

"Long time no see Sonic, my loathsome copy." said the robot. Sonic whacked him using Shadow. Metal Sonic dropped Sonic onto the floor. Sonic hobbled a few steps away and asked;

"Didn't you say that last time?" Metal Sonic then realized he was saying the wrong speech. Quickly searching through his memory files Metal Sonic tied to find the new speech. Unfortunately…

ERROR: THE DOCUMENT YOU HAVE REQUESTED CANNOT BE FOUND.

Metal Sonic had now choice but to make up a speech on the spot. Cursing Microsoft under his breath Metal Sonic attempted to wing it.

"….um…" Metal Sonic decided to screw the speech and skip to the blood. Metal Sonic flew forward towards his target. Sonic screamed higher than Cream on helium and threw his walking stick…I mean Shadow at Metal Sonic. Shadow happened to wake up in mid flight. The first thing he noticed was that he was flying. The second was Metal Sonic. Third were Metal Sonic's sharp claws. Very, very sharp claws. Colliding in mid air, Shadow was knocked unconscious again while Metal Sonic had his turbine-engine thingy damaged. Sonic hobbled over to Shadow and picked him up.

"Come on Metal, just try to defeat me!" he said as he waved Shadow around dangerously. Metal Sonic fired his claws as tiny rockets towards Sonic. Sonic used Shadow as a shield, took off Shadow's left Air Shoe and threw it at Metal Sonic's head. Metal Sonic dodged the shoe and it hit the wall. This caused the shoe to activate and it flew into the back of Metal Sonic's head. Metal picked up the shoe and threw it at Sonic. Sonic took off the other Air Shoe and threw it against the incoming projectile. The other shoe activated and both shoes went flying all around the room. The shoes started to smacking into the wall, the back of Metal Sonic's head, the ceiling, the back of Metal's head and the back of Sonic's head before smacking Metal Sonic in the back of his head. Metal Sonic fired his rocket claws and shot the shoes in mid air. While he was doing this he didn't notice Sonic sneak up behind him holding Shadow high above his head…

**SMACK!**

Metal Sonic's head flew off the rest of his body and landed on the other side of the room. Sonic quickly used his walking stick/club/shield/Shadow to hobble out of the basement and outside the house. Sonic thought he was home free but…

"DIE HEDGEHOG!" Metal Sonic dashed out of the basement and straight towards Sonic with his head under his left arm. Sonic decided to defeat Metal Sonic with his one weakness… Doors. Sonic slammed the front door of the house just as Metal Sonic was about to pass through. Metal Sonic exploded and blue shrapnel went flying. The only relatively intact thing was Metal Sonic's head.

"Curses!" screamed the head of Metal Sonic. "How could I forget my inability to open doors after what happened on the Little Planet?!" Sonic just shrugged, held Shadow up high and screamed-

"FORE!" Metal Sonic's eyes widened… well they would if he had any. Metal Sonic's head flew through the air screaming

"CURSE YOU SONIC! I WILL BECOME THE REAL SONIIIIIIIIIIIC…" as he sailed through the sky. Sonic dumped Shadow on the ground and continued to hobble all the rest of the way home. After he rested he would pay his 'best friend' a little… visit…

Some time later…

"And then he said: Don't look at me, I just live here!" Biolizard roared with laughter as Black Doom told the punch line of his joke. An explanation may be necessary. You see, after Black Doom escaped Eggman's hugs he and Biolizard decided to terrorize a city until Eggman stopped being so hug crazy. They were coming back home when they saw 3 strange things. Number 1 was that there was a large hole through the roof of the house. Number 2 was all the pieces of shrapnel which looked like it belong to the crazy blue robot. Number 3 was Eggman giving the still unconscious Shadow a hug. Black Doom and Biolizard stared.

"How long do you think he has been hugging Shadow for?" asked Biolizard. Black Doom shrugged. Then Shadow woke up.

"Who the heck are you?" asked Shadow as he found himself in the arms of a fat egg looking human. Black Doom's eyes widened to the size of watermelons and tore Eggman off Shadow and flung him far into the distance. Black Doom picked up Shadow and asked

"Do you remember anything?"

"Uh…nope." Was the black hedgehog's reply. Inside Black Doom's head he screamed the word 'yes!' very loudly while doing a little dance. What Black Doom actually did was put Shadow back down and said with a dramatic voice-

"Shadow, I am… your father!" Shadow gasped.

"Now, go and destroy Westopolis!" ordered Black Doom.

"Yes Sir Daddy!" Shadow saluted and took a single step… before falling down.

"My little hedgehog body!" screamed Shadow. "It feels like it's been used as a golf club, a shield, a walking stick, a projectile and large blunt object used to smack people with!" Black Doom sighed. First he would have to get a Heal Unit. This was a minor setback however. With Shadow on his side again the Earth will tremble and bow down before him!

Metal Sonic's head landed with a thud and rolled a little bit before coming to a complete stop. Metal Sonic cursed Sonic again in his head. Metal Sonic was in the middle of vowing to have vengeance someday when he heard someone screaming. If he had a neck he would have looked up and started screaming too. Eggman landed straight on top of him. Eggman then bounced, belly jiggling like crazy, and landed on top of Metal Sonic again. Eggman rolled off Metal Sonic. After much hugging and screams of 'NOT YOUR SON!' Eggman picked up Metal Sonic's head and started the long walk home… from the beach… on the other side of the world.

Biolizard sat down. She was bored. Bored out of her skull. She decided to make conversation with the only person left in the house.

"Nice weather we're having?" Doom's Eye stared at her. 'Screw this' she thought. 'I'm going to the beach.' And so she slowly dragged herself across the ground using her flippers. Very slowly… slowly…

Slow-

"Nuts with this!" she yelled. She decided to use the easy way out. "CHAOS CONTROL!" and with a flash, she was gone.

What will happen next? That is (kinda) up to you! Choose which story line you want to read first:

Black Arms versus the world (Black Doom and Shadow perform a parody of the Shadow the Hedgehog game ending: 'Punishment, thy name is ruin.'),

Survival of the fattest (Eggman and Metal Sonic travel through the levels of Sonic Heroes),

Beach blues (Biolizard and Doom's eye go to the beach and have crazy adventures).

I will then write chapters based on the votes so vote now!


	5. Survival of the Fattest!

Shadow's family reunion

Disclaimer: I do not own anything mentioned in this story except for the story idea itself.

**A/N**: Sorry about the wait, I was…uh… waiting for votes! (Yeah, that's a good excuse…)Thanks to Dragonbreath1, sonamy282 and Metal Overlord92 for reviewing and voting, this brings me to my next point. The results of the poll/votes/whatever are:

Survival of the Fattest: 2 votes. (sonamy282 and Metal Overlord92)

Do whatever I think is funniest: 1 vote (Dragonbreath1)

I was kinda hoping for more votes but who cares? On with…

Chapter 5: Survival of the Fattest!

We join Eggman and Metal Sonic in a sort of valley area.

"What are we doing here?" asked Eggman. Metal shrugged, or tried to but failed due to his lack of shoulders.

"Hello, I'm Omochao!" Eggman's eyes widened so much you could see them from behind his glasses. "In this stage you can practice different types of actions! Ok, are you ready to start?" Metal Sonic tried to kill himself with a blade of grass as Omochao flew down from the sky. They were surrounded by walls from all sides. The only way to get out was to get out was to finish…

STAGE 00: SEA GATE

Better known as… _The Tutorial._ Eggman took one step forward- "First I'll explain the formations" - And wished he didn't. "Each formation is different depending on who the leader is!" Metal stopped trying to perform seppuku (the Japanese samurai suicide thing) due to his lack of a stomach long enough to realize something was wrong.

"Don't we need 3 people or something?"

"Too bad, improvise." Said Omochao. "Do you see the blue, red and yellow symbols on the top right hand corner of the screen?"

"…Screen?" asked Eggman.

"The blue symbol means the leader is speed-type. The yellow symbol means the leader is fly-type and the red symbol means the leader is power-type! The symbol at the bottom indicates who the leader is!" Metal Sonic repeated his question.

"No, really, don't we need 3 people?"

"Lets just get this over with." Said Eggman with a sigh as he took about 3 steps towards 3 giant colored TVs.

"Next I'll tell you about formation signals! The blue signal means speed-type leader is recommended! The red signal means power-type leader is recommended and the yellow- Hey! Come back here!" Eggman had already left and was walking towards the formation change gates. "This is the Formation Change Gate! The leader automatically changes when you go through this gate!"

"No, really?" said Metal sarcastically. Eggman tried walking through all 3 gates. Nothing happened; Eggman would still be holding Metal Sonic's head under his arm.

"Maybe the gates are broken…" wondered Eggman.

"Screw the gates, lets get going!" said Metal.

"First, let's try speed formation. This formation features really fast speed!"

"…Wait, who's the speed leader?" asked Metal Sonic.

"I am!" announced Eggman. If you remember from chapter 3, Eggman moves really fast for a fat guy. Even faster that Sonic! (Try playing Sonic 2.) Eggman ran on the path, bounced off the triple trampoline and landed on the next level up. Omochao came along and was explaining the homing attack but no one was really listening until-

"Now try it on that spring!" Eggman paused. He had seen Sonic do homing attacks many times on his robots but there was no way in hell he could roll up into a ball in mid air and launch himself at enemies. Then Eggman had an idea.

"Hey Metal, do you still have that auto homing module with you?" Metal's head opened up and spat out a small glowing ball. The ball 'accidentally' hit Eggman in the face on its way out. The homing module was designed as a way to help Metal track objects as he would always be drawn to it. The problem was that the module acted like a giant cartoon magnet and when activated would send Metal Sonic flying towards it at top speed. This caused so much damage that it was never used again…until now.

"HOMING ATTACK!" screamed Eggman as he activated the module and threw it at the spring. He then grabbed on to Metal's head tightly as Metal burst towards the module as it bounced of the spring.

They all landed on the next part of the level. Omochao rambled on about rings while Eggman was upset because he couldn't perform Light Dash. Then they found the enemy…

"These are the bad guys, lets get them!" cheered Omochao.

"Eggman, aren't those your Shadow androids?" Eggman nodded.

"What are they doing here?!" asked Eggman. One of the Shadow androids walked up to Eggman.

"We don't follow The Man, man! We are free spirits man, we do whatever we want…man." Said the android. Eggman sighed, why does everything rebel against him? Metal was more confused on why the Shadow androids were acting like hippies.

"Aren't you going to attack us?" asked Metal.

"Of course not man! We're not into violence man! We want peace man! We want freedom from The Man, man!" The hippies were easily destroyed. Omochao started to explain the 'way cool' Rocket Accel while Eggman and Metal Sonic laughed at Omochao. Eggman tried to run up the steep slope but he was too fat to even get a quarter of the way up. The only way up was to use Rocket Accel. Eggman kicked the homing module as hard as he could. The module activated and Metal with Eggman in tow made it to the top of the hill… only to fall off the edge. They went screaming all the way down and hit the bottom and died… well they would but in the Sonic world you could survive falling through the atmosphere somehow so Metal and Eggy weren't hurt in the slightest. They made it to the part of the level where you practice flying. Both Metal and Eggman were stumped on how to fly until Metal Sonic found the solution. Later Eggman and Metal were flying as Metal chased the module which was tied to the end of a long stick which Eggman was holding just in front of Metal's face. Metal flew up the cliffs to the thunder shoot practice area. A way to replicate thunder shoot was easily found. Eggman would throw Metal Sonic, who would charge himself with large amounts of electricity in midair. Using the homing module Metal would come right back. After skipping much of the flying section because I am too lazy to write it, our heroes/villains/whatever came to the power section. But by this point, Metal Sonic was sick and tired of being used as living ammo.

"But I have to use you as living ammo Metal! How else are we going to smash through large objects if no one throws giant animal like creatures at giant robots?"

"Screw that fatty! Why don't **I** pick **you **up and throw you at hippies!?" Eggman pondered this for a while before coming to the conclusion of…

"Because you have no hands." Metal thought of an idea.

"Remember Big the cat?" asked Metal.

"…The pyromaniac one?" wondered Eggman.

"…The fat one."

"Oh yeah! I remember now!"

"Couldn't he perform an attack called Body Press?"

"…"

5 seconds later…

"EGG PRESS!" screamed Eggman as he body slammed a group of Shadow hippies protesting against animal cruelty. As Eggman hit the ground his fat wobbled in the most outrageously disgusting fashion, rendering all who look upon it to die instantly. Metal smiled. No more live ammo for him! Metal watched as Eggman went sumo on a poor helpless hippie who was feebly trying to use a protest sign as a shield. Wood and pieces of oil drenched pieces of metal went flying as Eggman practically steam rolled over the fake Shadow. Metal's smile turned into an evil grin. He would get his Metal Overlord body back, destroy the blue hedgehog and then…

"THE WORLD WILL BE MINE!!!" shouted Metal Sonic to the sky. Eggman stopped smashing stuff.

"What did you say?"

'Oh crap, I said that out loud!' thought Metal Sonic. Thinking quickly, Metal used a Black Arm technique he copied off Black Doom: The Black Distraction! The Black Distraction, as its name implies, distracts people like right now…

"Oh look, the team blast training area!" said Metal, changing the subject entirely. Eggman frowned.

"What can we do for our team blast?" asked Eggman. Metal went into deep thought until a commotion brought him out of his thoughts.

"Come on man, don't be such a downer man!" said a Shadow clone.

"I refuse to be part of this stupidity." Said another Shadow clone flatly.

"Oh I see now man! You're working with The Man, man! You don't care anything except money man! We reject you man! Where is your sense of peace man?" the hippie rambled on and on about random hippie stuff while the other clone just walked away.

'Good to see that not all of the Shadow Androids are insane…' thought Metal Sonic. Just then, Metal Sonic realized the potential of a Shadow android that actually acted like Shadow.

"Hey, isn't that Shadow?" inquired Metal. Eggman shook his head.

"It's just another hippie…" answered Eggman. Metal thought of an extremely complicated plan to trick Eggman into believing that one of the androids might be Shadow.

"LOOK, IT'S MARIA!" shouted Metal as loud as he could. The sane android instantly looked up.

"Maria!? Where!?" Eggman paused. He tensed up. Then he broke into a run.

"UNCLE SHADOW!!!" screamed Eggy.

"Eh? Hey, you're not Maria!" said the clone.

"HUG!!!" The androids eyes widened. Some deep survival instinct told him to run before it was too late. All of a sudden, the background changed color with swirling lights all over the place. It was too late…

Eggman charged straight through to the android, crushing any others that were in the way before catching the clone and giving him the Hug of Death. The android exploded under the sheer pressure of the hug into a million pieces. Much oil was spilt that day and many corpses of the hugged lay dead on the ground. Many were hugged this day and the bells of passing never rang. On the bright side, Metal and Eggy have their team blast!

"Next stop, TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION!!!" screamed Metal Sonic.

"What?" asked Eggman.

"Uh… Next Stop, Stage 1: Seaside Hill!"

"Let's go!" said Eggman as he picked up Metal Sonic and ran across into the distance… and the end of the chapter.

Next chapter, Seaside hill, Ocean Palace and the Fox Hawk!


	6. Seaside Hill

Shadow's family reunion

Disclaimer: I do not own anything mentioned in this story except for the story idea itself.

A/N: Thanks to Aurora the Hedgehog and Dragonbreath1 for reviewing, making them the 11th and 12th reviewers. Also, thanks to my brother for creating the Secret Grass. (Don't ask)

Chapter 6: Seaside hill, Ocean Palace and the Fox Hawk part 1.

Our story continues as Eggman and Metal Sonic stand on the beach with some silly little dialogue, just as every single other team in Sonic Heroes does.

"First I must recover my body; afterwards I can continue my campaign to be the most supreme ruler IN THE UNIVERSE!!!" screamed Metal Sonic. Eggman stopped playing with a hermit crab he found.

"…what?" he asked.

"Uh... I didn't say anything!" said Metal Sonic, trying to cover his complete lack of the ability to think in his mind.

"Yes you did! Something about a body…"

"Uh…I… will need a new body if we are to get through this area in one piece!" said Metal, trying to cover his mistake.

"You're right! And I have the perfect material to build you a new body!" beamed Eggman proudly.

"What? Really!? What is it!?" asked Metal Sonic with excitement in his voice.

"Hermit Crabs!" said Eggman triumphantly. Metal Sonic stared at him in shock. After a while Metal Sonic regained his senses.

"…Hermit Crabs?" Metal asked.

"Yep!"

"…Hermit crabs…"

"Correct!" All of a sudden Metal Sonic lost it.

"HERMIT CRABS!?! WHAT THE FREAKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!" screamed Metal.

"DON'T SPEAK TO YOUR FATHER LIKE THAT YOUNG MAN!!!" Eggman screamed back.

"NOT MY FATHER!!!"

"YES I AM!!!"

"I'M NOT YOUR SON YOU FAT FREAK!!!

"UNGRATEFUL TEENAGE PUNK!!!"

"I'M A ROBOT; I DON'T HAVE A FREAKING AGE!!!"

"DON'T SPEAK TO ME THAT THAT TONE YOUNG MAN!!!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!"

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?!" Eggman and Metal continued the most psychopathic father/teenage son argument in the history of the world until…

"Whoa man! Like, stop the endless need for violence man!" said a Shadow hippie walking by. Metal and Eggy were too into their argument to notice the hippie. The hippie decided to take matters into his own hands…

"Team Chaotix Family Therapy Service, how can we help you?" asked the voice of a severely disinterested Espio. Behind him, Vector and Charmy were almost giddy with excitement. Their first customer in ages! The crazy old man who sold them the 'magic fortune cookie' was right; it was a good idea to frequently change their job! Espio continued to phone call in a bored manner that was completely different from the way the other Chaotix members were acting. Finally, Espio hung up the phone. Charmy practically pounced onto Espio.

"Did we get a job Espio? Huh? Huh? Did we Espio? Did we get a job?" asked the bee in his hyperactive way of his. Espio threw the bee off then nodded his head.

"YAY!!!" screamed Charmy as he flew across the room.

"So Espio, what's our job?" asked Vector. Espio sighed.

"You're not going to believe this but…"

The Chaotix stood next to the quarreling Metal Sonic and Eggman as they planned on what to do next.

"Hey Espio, do you have some grand, cool, tremendous, amazing, awe-inspiring, overwhelming, remarkable, breathtaking, splendid, incredible, amazing, extraordinary, marvelous, wonderful, stunning, spectacular, awesome ninja trick Espio? Do you? Huh? Huh? Do you? Dou you Espio? Do you?" asked Charmy. Vector and Espio were in shock of Charmy's 6 year old vocabulary. Espio answered Charmy's question with a-

"No."

"…Really?" asked Charmy.

"You see, I have a grand, cool, tremendous, amazing, awe-inspiring, overwhelming, remarkable, breathtaking, splendid, incredible, amazing, extraordinary, marvelous, wonderful, stunning, spectacular, awesome, astounding,astonishing, surprising, shocking, marvelous, miraculous, mind-blowing, mind-boggling, staggering, dumbfounding, flabbergasting and inconceivable ninja trick!" said Espio proudly.

"YAY!!!" screamed Charmy.

"Behold! Ninja powder!" said Espio as he held up a bag of red powder. Nobody, not even Espio knew this but the powder was made out of… Secret Grass! The only rare grass to be found in…hot chocolate. (Don't ask.) Espio blew the powder in front of Eggy's and Metal's faces causing them to die instantly! Actually they just forgot what happened and got on with…

Stage 01: Seaside Hill.

Eggman ran along the sea side path with high speed while carrying Metal Sonic, bounced of the triple trampoline thing, went through the 3 rainbow colored hoops and landed on the other side. Running along the triple loops they encountered a small platoon of Shadow Androids. Eggman quickly smashed his way through the androids and a giant square block which was covering a trampoline thing. Bouncing their way upwards and forwards, they switched into Fly formation and flew through those accelerator hoops. Switching to Power formation, Eggman made short work of those who betrayed him (except Metal). Switching back into Speed formation, they ran across the path, around the giant loops and into a ramp that sent them flying past a large rock and 2 whales.

"Whoohoo!" screamed Eggman.

"Holy $#!+!" screamed Metal Sonic. They landed on a bunch of hippies, destroying them in the process.

"Look Metal, a cannon!" said Eggman with glee.

"…so?" asked a disinterested Metal Sonic.

"Let's jump in!"

"No!" protested Metal Sonic but it was too late. Eggy jumped into the cannon, sending the duo flying in the air.

"Whee!"

"Mother flaking hell!" The dysfunctional pair soared through the air like a grotesque bird of mammoth proportions before landing on a miniature island.

"Now what Metal?" asked Eggman.

"Never… do that again…" said Metal Sonic.

"But what if we-"

"NEVER AGAIN!!!"

"Yes sir!"

"Anyway, my radar thingy tells me that the sea ruins move magically when you get close to them." Said Metal as a satellite dish popped out of his head.

"… Do you have cable on that thing?" asked Eggy.

"Just get moving fatty!"

"Yes sir!" Moving quickly, they found the bob sled.

"Hey Metal, wanna go for a ride?" asked Eggman.

"… Don't we need 3 people for this?" inquired Metal.

"Why?"

"One to steer, one to power the engine and another to jump." Explained Metal Sonic.

"Well, we don't need to jump until Rail Canyon so we'll be Ok for now." Said Eggman.

5 minutes later…

"Where did you learn to drive!?" screamed Metal Sonic as he span in a little ball at the back of the sled.

"I didn't!" replied Eggman happily as he crashed into rocks, pedestrians, giant balloons, hippies, old ladies, and a dog.

"Pull over! This is the police!" said a cop as he drove in a car next to them.

"Stop the sled fat man!" ordered Metal Sonic.

"I can't! There are no brakes!"

"NO BRAKES!?!" screamed Metal Sonic as they over took the policeman.

"The driver won't stop! Set up a barricade!" ordered the policeman over his walky-talky.

"Dude, with what? They run over giant square blocks without even slowing down!" said the guy on the other side.

"I DON'T CARE, JUST DO IT!!!"

So Metal Sonic and Eggman sped along until they saw the barricade.

"JUMP!" said Eggman. They pair jumped off the sled just as it crashed into the barricade and killed all the cops. Metal and Eggy flew across the sea through more rainbow hoops. They flew up the cliff and landed on a rock platform… only to have it collapse beneath them. Totally disobeying the laws of physics, the two were unharmed and made their way to the second cannon.

"Metal…"

"I SAID NEVER AGAIN!"

"But then how do we get up the Cliffside?"

"Do you have a cell phone?"

"Team Chaotix Taxi Service, how can we help you?" asked Espio. Behind him, Vector and Charmy were beating up the Shadow Hippie who called them for not paying any money.

"What happened to free stuff man? I remember in the 70's it was free all the time!" complained the hippie.

"Too bad sucker!" said an angry Vector as he pummeled the hippie.

"Thank you for choosing the Team Chaotix Taxi Service, that will be 20 rings." Said Espio.

"Ok fat man, pay up." Said Metal Sonic.

"Uh…" said Eggman.

"What now?" asked Metal Sonic.

"I'm…broke…" whispered Eggman. Metal Sonic's eyes widened.

"Ok Eggy, I have a plan." Metal whispered back.

"What?" asked Eggman.

"RUN!" yelled Metal Sonic. Both of them ran away with the Chaotix chasing them. Soon they made it into the room with the third cannon. Momentarily putting aside his fear of cannons, Metal thought of another idea and explained it to Eggman. Eggman loaded the cannon with Metal Sonic and fired the cannon. Metal Sonic whizzed through the air straight at the Chaotix. With the help of the auto homing module, metal Sonic was able to be reloaded quickly and fired again and again. Soon the Chaotix were forced to retreat.

"Yosh!" said Eggman triumphantly.

"…Seriously, who says that?" asked Metal. Using the cannon (which revived Metal's intense hatred of them) the pair made it to the next sled.

"Yay!" cheered Eggman as he hopped into the driver's seat.

"Not again!" Soon they were breaking the speeding limit once again as they crashed into every on the road. Then the police returned.

"Pull over right now or suffer the consequences!" shouted the cop.

"Do it!" pleaded Metal Sonic.

"NEVER!" yelled Eggman as he drove faster. Needless to say, another barricade was set up.

"Holy cow men, here they come!" said the policemen building the barricade.

"Hit the deck!" warned one of them. All of them screamed and ran away as Eggy and Metal crashed into the barricade. Metal Sonic and Eggman ran away screaming while the police chased them.

"Pursuit units, don't let them get away!!" ordered a cop.

"Yes sir!" they cried as they chased our heroes/villains/whatever.

"There it is!" said Eggman while pointing to their salvation: the goal ring!

"We're not going to make it!" said Metal as the police gained on them.

"What are we going to do?" asked Eggman with fear in his voice as the police gained even further on them.

"Black Distraction!" screamed Metal Sonic.

"Eh?" asked Eggman.

"Look! Doughnuts over that ledge!" said Metal Sonic.

"Yay!" cheered the police as they jumped of the edge and fell to their deaths.

Mission Clear!

"Whoohoo!" cheered Eggy as he slammed Metal Sonic's head into the ground as if he was scoring a point in…that game where everybody tackles each over, you know, something to do with metal… iron I think…

"Ouch!" said Metal.

Next chapter: Metal and Eggman go Indiana Jones style when chased by giant rocks and even more craziness!


	7. Ocean Palace and Fox Hawk

Shadow's family reunion

Disclaimer: I do not own anything mentioned in this story except for the story idea itself.

A/N: Thanks to Aurora the Hedgehog for reviewing. Oh, and if you leave Team Sonic in Seaside Hill or Ocean Palace Tails will say "This would make a great vacation spot!"

Chapter 7: Seaside hill, Ocean Palace and the Fox Hawk part 2.

"Whee!" cheered Eggman.

"&#!!!" swore Metal Sonic as the 2 flew off the top off a large rock for no good reason whatsoever and landed on…

Stage 02: Ocean Palace.

"What…the…hell?" asked Metal Sonic in complete confusion and some awe. Eggy and Metal were standing on the beginning of a white road painted with blue arrows and red stripes around the edges. In the distance, huge islands shaped like fish jutted out of the sea and a rainbow was in the sky, which was strange considering it hadn't rained for days.

"What is this place?" wondered Metal to himself.

"The Ocean Palace is the remains of an ancient sea side civilization. Found in 2003, the Ocean Palace is the largest ruins of this kind found up to date. With its spectacular views and excellent accommodation, the Ocean Palace is a fun summer vacation spot for the whole family!" Eggman then scrunched the brochure he was reading into a little ball and threw it away.

"…Kay…let's go." said Metal Sonic.

"Right!" agreed Eggman. And so the two speed off at high speed.

"Hey Metal, I was thinking?" began Eggman.

"Yeah?"

"If this is a vacation spot, how come nobodies here?" asked Eggman. As if to answer his question, a huge loop in the road appeared.

"…That might be one reason…" answered Metal Sonic as they sped along the loop, the double loop and ran off the edge off a cliff.

"Yay! Whee!"

"Fother Mucking hell!" The pair landing in front of a set of stone doors that were locked in place by age and surrounded by whale shaped fountains. Eggman pulled out a piece of paper labeled: 'Reasons why Ocean Palace is no longer a vacation spot.' Under '1: Giant loops all over the place' he wrote 'giant stone doors.' Eggman backed up as far as he could, then dashed forward and flung his stomach at the door. The entire thing slid back but wouldn't open. Eggman backed up again, charged and… the doors opened. What did you expect? An explosion? When the doors opened however, a group of hippies came out and tried to whack them with 'Legalize Marijuana' protest signs. While he was destroying the android hippies, Eggman calmly wrote down '3: Shadow hippies attacking people.' The battle seemed to weaken the supports on some whale shaped columns and caused them to come crashing down and squish a hippie to death. Reason 4: Giant whale block thingies smush people. Reason 5: Dead ends for no good reason-need to fly over them. Reason 6: Need to use giant fans to get anywhere-inconvenient. Speaking of giant fans, let's see how Metal and Eggy are going…

"Look Metal, I can flap my moustache!" Eggman then started to flap his moustache up and down.

"That's…nice." Said Metal Sonic, but what Metal was really concerned about was how to proceed onwards. Metal had an inkling of a plan; they needed to use the fan's wind current to glide upwards. Unfortunately, they didn't have a third member of their party to perform the triangle glide and they didn't have any gum or huge paper umbrellas.

"Hey Metal, look at me!" said Eggman.

"Not now fat man, I'm busy." Replied Metal Sonic.

"Aw, come on Metal! Look at me!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No"

"But I'm flying!"

"Uh huh, sure you are." Metal then decided to ignore Eggman and focused on the task before him. They needed something that would trap the air and push them upwards, something large, something like-

"I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky!" sang Eggman. However, due to all the fat pushing down on his vocal cords, he sang horribly. Not as bad as the Chaotix, who could smash metal with their cacophony of voices, but still pretty bad. Metal turned around to yell at Eggman to stop singing when he saw something so impossible, so idiotic, so unusual and against the laws of science it actually worked. It was perfect.

"Whee! I'm flying!" said Eggman joyously as he and Metal soared through the air generated by the fans by… flapping Eggman's enormous moustache. Eggman's good mood was slightly put off by the fact he couldn't wall jump, but who cares? He could fly! Soon they made it to the place with the giant turtles and the cannon. Reason 7: Cannons.

"NEVER! NEVER AGAIN!"

"But-"

"NO! NEVER!!! **NEVER**!!!

"Then how do we get across?"

5 minutes later…

"Mush! Mush I say! Mush!" Eggman whipped the turtle to go faster as they sped across the waster to the other side while Metal was busy demolishing the cannon and tossed it overboard. Eventually they made it to the place I bet you were waiting for…

"Look Metal! A hat!" said Eggman as he picked it up and put it on his head. "Now I look like Indiana Jones!"

"…Who?" asked Metal as they bounced off a trampoline… and onto a road. But this is not just any ordinary road. This is the place where-

"Holy bad words Metal! A giant rolling stone!" screamed Eggman as he ran for his life.

'Wait… stupid hat, whip, giant rolling rock chasing us…' thought Metal Sonic. "Fat man! You must have cursed us with the stupid hat! Take it off!" ordered Metal Sonic as the rock began to catch up.

"Never!" screamed Eggman.

"Take off the fother mucking hat!"

"Make me!" Just when things couldn't seem any worse-

"Holy cow!!! 2 rolling stones!" cried Eggman.

"$#1+!!! Take off the hat before you kill us all!" swore Metal Sonic.

"NEVER!!!"

"I HATE YOU INDIANA JONES AND THE RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK!!!" yelled Metal Sonic to the sky. Somehow they managed to out run the rocks and flew off the edge of the cliff as the rocks fell into the water without even making a splash somehow. Unfortunately…

"We're not going to make it!" said Metal Sonic. He was right, they were descending too quickly, they wouldn't make it to the goal ring!

"Yes we are! I'll just flap my moustache and we'll fly away!" said Eggman proudly as he began to flap. Nothing happened. "No! Why isn't my moustache working! All my dreams of flying have been crushed into little pieces!" Eggman started to cry like a little baby. Metal Sonic was more worried about not making it to the other side. Metal Sonic suddenly came up with an idea.

"Eggman, use the whip!"

"All of my dreams have been crushed! Crushed so hard!" sobbed Eggy.

"Eggman!"

"Why? Why!? My dreams are ruined! I'll never have another dream again!"

"Eggman!!!"

"When I was a little boy, I used to dream of flying, soaring through the skies like a majestic bird! But now, that dream has been run over the giant rocks! Why!? WHY!?"

"**EGGMAN!!!** Pay attention!" screamed Metal Sonic at the top of his voice/speakers/whatever.

"What!? I'm trying to grieve the loss of my beautiful, precious dreams of flight!"

"Use the whip to help get use to the other side before we drown to death!"

"…Say please."

"WHAT!?!"

"Say please or we die a horrible death by drowning."

"Okay, fine! PLEASE get us to the other side!" With a crack of the whip, the duo managed to swing their way safely to the goal ring using the pointy thingies sticking out of the water. Reason 8: Giant rocks of death.

Mission Clear!

"Whoohoo!" cheered Eggy as he slammed Metal Sonic's head into the ground as if he was scoring a point in… Grid Iron… I think…

"Ouch!" said Metal.

Somehow, Metal and Eggy magically appeared on a long road. All of a sudden, a large red robot in the shape of a bird flew past while shooting like crazy. But it wasn't bullets that were coming from the cannons, it was-

"Yay! Free rings!" said Eggman happily as he scooped up as many as he could.

"Hey, stop that!" said the pilot of the ship. The cockpit opened up to reveal Tails the mutant 2 tailed fox!

"What are doing?" asked Eggman.

"You see Eggman, I repaired the Egg Hawk and modified the cannons to return rings back to the world!" explained Tails. As he did so, he made numerous crazy hand gestures just like Eggman used to do.

"No! Not the rings from-" began Eggman.

"Yes! The rings I stole from Circus Park! Keh hee hee hee hee hee!!!" Tails laughed evil, or at least tried to. What came out was actually a deranged, high pitched giggle. On the plus side though, it sounded like something a creepy kid would do in a horror movie so it was a little bit frightening in broad daylight.

"You creepy little 2 tailed freak! Your days as a thief are over!" angrily shouted Eggman.

"Hey! I resent people making fun of my tails!" said Tails as he hugged his namesakes close to him.

FOX HAWK

Tails fired his cannons directly at the duo. Unfortunately, the cannons were firing rings so it didn't do any damage.

"Ha! What are you going to do now punk?" taunted Metal Sonic. Tails pushed a button on the controls of the machine. The Cyclone flew in from somewhere and fused with the Fox Hawk to make…

A GIANT ANIME ROBOT!!!

"Crap!" swore the two at the same time as they tried to dodge missiles, lasers, bullets and dangerous projectiles in general.

"What do we do?" asked Metal Sonic as he rolled his head past a stream of machine gun fire.

""I have an idea! I will call the Egg Carrier!" said Eggman triumphantly as he pulled out a remote and pushed a big red button on it. The Egg Carrier 3 appeared from no where. The front of the ship opened up and fired a huge laser. However the laser takes to long to fire so by the time it did Tails already moved out of the way.

"If the Egg Carrier won't work, then we must fight giant anime robots with giant anime robots!" said Eggman.

"…You have giant anime robots?" asked Metal Sonic. Eggman pushed a big green button on the remote. The Egg Carrier transformed into a giant remote controlled anime robot. The Fox Hawk swung a punch at the Egg Carrier but the Egg Carrier dodged and tried to counter with a kick. The Fox Hawk grabbed the Egg Carrier's foot and used it to swing him around and threw him into a whale statue. The Egg Carrier fired volley after volley of missiles at the Fox Hawk and managed to hit him. The Fox Hawk and the Egg Carrier pulled out giant swords that definitely weren't there before and had a duel. The Egg Carried swung his sword at his opponent but the Fox Hawk parried the blow and attacked. The Egg Carrier blocked and kicked the Fox Hawk in the stomach area. The Fox Hawk stumbled back and the Egg Carrier swung his sword. The sword harmlessly bounced off the thick amour of the Fox Hawk.

"…crap." Said Metal and Eggy.

"HA! Your stupid machines are nothing against my Fox Hawk anime robot!" said Tails. "Keh hee hee hee hee!" The Fox Hawk swung its sword and sliced straight through the Egg Carrier.

"NO! I haven't finished paying off the 5 easy payments of $100, 0000!!!" cried out Eggman.

"…$100, 0000 is an easy payment?" asked Metal.

"There is only one way to destroy giant anime robots, and that is with an overly dramatic death!" said Eggman. At that moment the Ark appeared and began charging the Eclipse Cannon.

"Oh no! If the Eclipse Cannon fires the whole world could explode! I must sacrifice myself in an overly dramatic way that will surly result in my death!" said Tails bravely. The Fox Hawk flew in front of the Eclipse Cannon just as it fired and exploded.

"Eggman, how did you get the Eclipse Cannon to fire?" asked Metal Sonic.

"… I didn't." confessed Eggman.

"But then… who did?"

On the Ark…

Black Doom and Shadow stood in complete disbelief of what happened. A giant anime robot flew in front of the Eclipse Cannon just as it was firing and sacrificed itself in an overly dramatic death.

"Well this sucks. The Eclipse Cannon will take about a day to recharge, during this time a bunch of heroes will come along and try to disable the Cannon forever. This would probably result in the most upset and misunderstood emo person they know to sacrifice himself in an overly dramatic death for no good reason."

"O…kay" said Black Doom slowly. "If we can't destroy the Stock Exchange using the Eclipse Cannon, we'll have to destroy it ourselves!" said Black Doom.

"Yes sir daddy!" saluted Shadow as he chaos controlled them back to Earth.

Next chapter: Metal and Eggy tackle the Grand Metropolis! Eggy and Metal learn how to grind after buying SOAP shoes for $250, 5000! Eggman goes broke! Metal develops the successor of the tornado attacks! More chaos and exclamation marks like this!


End file.
